I'd like to preface this post by apologizing in advance to anyone reading this who thoroughly enjoyed Taipei.  If you had an opportunity to understand Taiwanese culture more than I did, I applaud you.  Perhaps if you spoke Mandarin Chinese or if you visited the south of the country, you had a warmer experience?

"What’s with the surgical masks?", I keep thinking to myself.  I've seen them in Chinatown in NYC.  I know that folks there wear them to prevent others from catching their cold. Oh, there’s an announcement on the subway telling people to wear surgical masks if they have a cold or cough.  "Thankfully everything is repeated in English!", I gratefully reflected.  Wait, there are a lot of people on the subway wearing masks.  Do all of these people have colds? I quickly Google this.  It says the masks are popular in Taipei for air pollution.   Oh okay!  Yes, air pollution, I get that.  But wait, I’m in the metro, the air is filtered here.  Wait a minute, again, that girl is wearing a pink mask and also has a pink jacket.  Hold on a second, that person is wearing a denim gray jacket and has a mask with the same exact denim gray pattern.  Whoa what’s that scary look over there?  Those guys are wearing all black and have black masks!   Their entire face is covered, even their cheeks!  There are women wearing all black with black masks!  Is that an entire family I see with masks?  They put a mini-mask on the infant.  Something is telling me this isn’t just about air pollution or having a cold.  Dare I say it: this is a horrifying fashion statement. 

Welcome to Taipei.  Where the people wear masks, false advertising and gimmicks are rampant but don’t forget, everything is great in Taiwan.  What’s the false advertising I experienced, you ask?  I can engage the nightlife topic again (see Guadalajara). I went out Wednesday and Thursday, taking the easy-to-use metro around the entire city, looking for a place to meet people.  I was later told weekdays are a no-go.   Was Saturday night better?  Marginally.  The club was a bunch of people standing watching a stage with nothing on it.  Not enough room to dance and the music was just beats, no vocals.  How could this all be true when the web sites, brochures, and Facebook pages have all of these pictures and calendars of nightly parties?  It’s simply false.  Sad face.

Also false is the 7 day free trial at the gym.  That’s only if you sign up for a year.  So it’s not a trial.  The day pass was $25 USD.

Also false is the not delicious oyster vermicelli. It’s like eating sardine soup with noodles. The stinky tofu is stinky like the cesspool outside the bus station in Queretaro.  The bao was dry and shredded.  The fried chicken tastes better in the U.S.

One red flag is that the only thing friends and other backpackers seemed to be able recommend about this city is the night market.  How exciting can a market be?  Even then, you can’t buy fruit at the market unless you speak Mandarin because of the scam.  Also, every city in Asia has multiple night markets, so it's isn't really a unique feature of Taipei.

Taiwanese people love waiting on lines for things.  It is satisfying to them. This is why gimmicks work well for them.  They see a line and assume they are waiting for something good, it seems.  I'm not Taiwanese, maybe I'm assuming too much.  The frozen mango shaved ice craze is really baffling.  I had it.  It’s frozen fruit with sorbet on it.  

I had excellent beef noodle soups.  The metro is beautiful.  I did not make any friends.  Eye contact was impossible.  Maybe there was a language barrier?  People in Taipei kept telling me everyone speaks English, but maybe they are just telling me that because everything in Taipei is supposed to be great.  Maybe they are actually embarrassed that they don’t speak much English.  I can understand that. 

My best day was when I sat in the cat cafe all afternoon working.  A cat cafe is exactly what it sounds like.  Typically the coffee is overpriced because you are really being charged for their pet maintenance.  I had two cats crawling all over me and I was in heaven.  They walked all over my keyboard and interrupted me with their soft fur and purrs. 

I felt like I did not get to connect with the culture.  It was such a lost opportunity because I was so willing and so excited to do so.  Usually meeting people at bars and hostels is where I connect.  In Taipei, no one goes out alone. Everything is done as a group.  So there is no bar where you can show up and meet locals.  You are expected to get a big table at a restaurant with people you already know. 

All there is left to say is, "no sir, I don't like it."  Thank you Ren & Stimpy.